How do I figure out who I am?

Some background, some drama

Figuring out who you are can be a difficult task. As we are always growing, changing, and learning new things, you might find that your identity is always changing as well. But there are some things that you can do to get to know yourself better and figure out who you are.

Do’s and Don’ts

It’s a long journey on discovering who you are as a person. The “How Do I" series tries to list down a few Do’s and don’ts to guide and help you to figure out who you are.


  • Take a personal inventory of your strengths and areas that need improvement. Assess what you do well and what you need to work on.
  • Ask people you trust for help and who will provide you with constructive, positive feedback.
  • Schedule some alone time and do some self-exploration to get to know yourself better.
  • Start small. Make sure that your goal is small and measurable, thereby achievable.
  • Challenge yourself. Do something that you would never do because it scares or intimidates you.
  • Spend time with people who make you happy.
  • Keep in mind that your identity is always changing. Accept your changing identity.
  • Make a list of your priorities to help you see what really can make your life feel important and meaningful.
  • Accept responsibility for your actions.
  • Work on boosting your confidence.
  • Dream to help you relax and be more creative and productive.


  • Do not ask your friends for help if you think that it might hurt your feelings.
  • Don't be too critical of yourself when you are just getting started.
  • Don't let obstacles stop you. Instead, start with small challenges and work your way up to larger ones.
  • Don’t aim for perfection. Perfection is an ideal that we impose on ourselves that is impossible to achieve.
  • Don’t forget to forgive yourself for past mistakes and accept who you are.
  • Don’t compare yourself to others. Instead, appreciate your accomplishments and set realistic goals for yourself.
  • Don't change yourself to fit in with others.
  • Don't let someone else tell you how to think or feel.
  • Don't let anyone tell you who you are or how to be; that is up to you.

Last words

Searching for your true self is a lifelong journey, so don't worry if you can't figure it out right away. Be patient. If the search is overwhelming you, then take a break to slow down. You may discover something important about yourself just by letting yourself be for a while.

Sources and citations