How do I deal with sexual frustration?

Some background, some drama

Sexual frustration happens to most of us at one point or another. Sexual frustration can have many causes: not having a partner with whom you can express yourself sexually, having a partner who is not satisfying your sexual needs or even your own body or mental health causing difficulties in the bedroom.

Do’s and Don’ts

It’s important to reflect on what might be causing this frustration in your life and take steps to help you (and your partner) feel better. The “How Do I" series tries to list down a few Do’s and don’ts to guide and help you deal with sexual frustration.


  • Explore your body through masturbation, which can help you understand what feels best for you and can also help you communicate that to your partner.
  • Learn to love and accept yourself, which can be a crucial part of relieving sexual frustration.
  • Own your sexuality. Feeling guilty or conflicted over your sexuality, whether it’s your sexual desires or orientation can cause immense frustration.
  • Surround yourself with positive people who love and care for you to boost your own confidence.
  • Consult a therapist, especially one trained in sex therapy, who can help you figure out what’s causing your frustration and concerns.
  • Discuss your needs with your partner.
  • Make time for sex and romance, which can help relieve that tension and make sure both of you get what you need.
  • Experiment together to find things that excite and fulfill you and your partner.
  • Learn to compromise so that everyone’s needs are met and everyone feels comfortable and respected.
  • Address your stress. Stress can impact your ability to enjoy sexual relations.
  • Deal with depression. Depression is a major culprit behind many cases of sexual dysfunction.


  • Don’t hold yourself to someone else’s standards. Rejecting others’ standards can help you focus on your own pleasure and what you and your partner can enjoy.
  • Don’t think about what other people are doing, which can cause frustration.
  • Don’t indulge in activities that harm others or violate another person’s rights. All sexual activities should be between consenting adults.
  • Don’t blame or judge your partner. This will shut down productive communication and lead to further frustration.
  • Don’t try to manipulate or guilt your partner into sex.

Last words

Sexual frustration sucks. Quite literally! Feeling sexually frustrated most of the time makes you feel unfulfilled, guilty, irrational and just plain fed-up. You can’t concentrate, your mind is constantly distracted and you have difficulty paying attention to anything! Remember never pressure or guilt someone into having sex. Respect the other person’s right to say no. Sex should only be between consenting adults. Figure out how to work out issues of sexual frustration to lead a fulfilled and happy life.

Sources and citations