How do I date?

Some background, some drama

It can be difficult to strike a good balance when dating. How do you appear interested without coming off as desperate or needy? How do you get to know someone without being nosy or rude? And how do you figure out how a person feels about you or tell them how you feel about them without either of you feeling uncomfortable? Dating sure is a tricky business.

Do’s and Don’ts

Making the first move is always hard. But someone has got to make that move. The “How Do I" series tries to list down a few Do’s and don’ts to guide and help you to date.

Do’s

  • Define your expectations. Are you dating casually or do you want a serious committed relationship?
  • Decide how you want to date. Internet/mobile app dating, asking friends to fix you up or blind dating…take your pick.
  • Develop and polish your personality. How you take care of your looks says a lot about you.
  • Learn the art of small talk. Start with small and once you find some common ground, you can start talking bigger and deeper.
  • If someone asks you on a date and you're not interested, handle it gracefully.
  • Ask for a date. Don't beat around the bush. The other person will appreciate the honesty.
  • Make a good first impression. Be considerate and charming.
  • Be honest. Don't lead them on.
  • Be spontaneous. Learn to relax and be original.
  • Know what's reasonable. Judge how far you both are comfortable to explore physically.

Dont’s

  • Don't be afraid to poke fun of yourself. They'll laugh with you and this will break the ice between both of you.
  • Don't just date anyone who shows an inkling of interest in you. You should value yourself and not go for a date with whomever crosses your path.
  • Don't talk about past relationships. This is a no-no and a sure turn-off. You will only project the impression that you are unable to let go.
  • Don’t check out anyone else, no matter how slick you think you might be about it. Concentrate on your date.
  • Don't act uninterested or frown. It may look like you want to get out as soon as possible.
  • Don't exaggerate or boast about your credentials, successes, etc. Keep the conversations casual without boasting.
  • Don't show up for your date complaining and nagging. Be positive.
  • Don't make the first date too long. Taking shorter dates helps prevent initial burn out.
  • Don’t be obsessive. Never call, e-mail or text message more than once a day unless they reply.

Last words

You think you’ve found “the one". You’re attracted to him/her, you enjoy each other’s company, you’re compatible and you even like each other’s quirks. So plunge in and go on a date. Having the right kind of vibe is the key to finding the right man/woman and inspiring his love. And, when you do have that relationship you’ve always wanted, continue to date in order to keep the focus on what truly matters and inspire your partner to appreciate you forever.

Sources and citations